Wearing Us Down

I was recently at a get-together( I don't call it a "party"; no booze, no bad behavior, sorry but it's my definition) with some friends, which I found highly enjoyable. We talked, played Rock Band (which I mostly watched except for some off-key chorus help...I can't sing) drank too much caffeine, and talked about silly shit that made us laugh our asses off. After cuddling with some cute girls, I ended up out on the porch giving one of said cute girls a backrub while having the standard party spiral of unfocused conversation. Perhaps inevitably, the conversation drifted to relationships.

Well, the girl in question was a newly-minted adult; she'd just turned 18 (note to readers; I was NOT trying to score, so don't even think it) and talked a bit of some of the boyfriends she'd had. I listened to her experiences, and the talk just made me, well...sad.

Listening to the tales of self-absorbed, immature boyfriends (note; it didn't come across as a play for sympathy, just communication of information), I was struck by a thought; no wonder people are so cynical. Our young lives are never quite what we hope them to be, our first relationships (sexual or otherwise) often extreme disappointments. And with each passing failed attempt, we grow more and more cynical, and in some cases bitter, self-absorbed and manipulative. And then the cycle perpetuates itself. With each passing breakup and betrayal, we lose that much more of our "relationship idealism" and pass the emotional scar tissue off as "wisdom".

I most emphatically disagree.

What are we being "wise" about? Learning to mistrust the advances of strangers, simply because they ARE strangers? Automatically assuming the worst of our fellow humans? Assigning superficial, selfish motives to what could be acts of genuine kindness, simply because others have behaved in such a fashion in the past? If that is wisdom, then give me a bit more ignorance.

Of course, a certain measure of this is necessary to our survival; it is a sad but very true fact of human nature that a good portion of the species IS out for its own good, that a lot of people ARE just looking to get laid, and placing trust in strangers is sometimes really NOT a good idea.

But I think we go too far.

In closing, I don't wonder too much why there are so many empty, cynical people in this world. It is their lives that make them so. I try not to be counted among them, but it is often a struggle.

Remember that old phrase, "Practice random acts of kindness"? Well, I live by it, or try to. Like giving that teenage girl a backrub and listening to some of her problems (WITHOUT designs on her virtue) was one. A small, debatable act, but an act of kindness nonetheless. So paying attention to a cute girl with problems doesn't make me a saint.

I'd like to think it doesn't make me a sinner.